Dad - When dad is 100% wrong

I consider myself a great believer of stages. Whether it is the 12 steps of a program, the stages of grief or the stages of development, you can’t understand the next one until you finish the current one.

You know how before you had kids you thought you knew exactly how it was going to go and then once you had one you realized how clueless you were? That is how it normally goes.

Occasionally though you are hit right out of the blue with something that no one ever told you was coming. That is what happened to me one week ago.

When you are 100% wrong and your kid maturely explains why.

I must preface this story with the fact that for the past few weeks we have been battling an uncharacteristically willful child who actually threw her first stomping\tantrum\fit recently..

Here we go. .

My wife was working this fine Sunday and though I knew it was a bit cold for it, I wanted to take my daughter fishing at the park across the street from the house. I was doing something in the garage with the doors open while my kid enjoyed her brief escape from the house in her pjs by dancing in the driveway. After a bit, she went inside and by the time I made it in, I saw that she had dressed herself in a horribly matching short skirt and t-shirt.

The matching I could deal with since I rarely coordinate but, knowing my secretly planned activities, I told her it was too cold to be in those clothes. Her immediate response was that it felt like summer out there. I had flashbacks of years ago when she would tell me the same thing and I knew she hadn’t even been outside.

I tightened the strings on my boxing gloves and got ready for the fight.

After a few little back-and-forth exchanges I could see where we were headed and pulled out the big guns. “I have asked you three times nicely to put on pants and those are the only nice times you are getting.” As always, that worked as she cried her way upstairs and put on warmer clothes.

Once we made up and headed outside I was immediately hit with a blast of sunshine and 73 degree weather in December. F-ing Texas. . .

That brings us to the first part of the stage where dad is 100% wrong. I had jumped on my kid without even checking the weather. I would appreciate it if no one points out the irony that I had just accused my kid of the same thing.

I apologized to my daughter and fessed up that if I had checked the weather, we would both be wearing cooler clothes. We had a wonderful time not catching a dang thing at the park and went on about our day.

Later that afternoon however the full effect of what had happened hit me. About 2pm, she was watching a show when she turns to me and calmly asks if I have ever had someone disbelieve me when I knew I was right. (you can see where this is going (but I couldn’t)). I blindly said yes and she asked how that made me feel. I told her the truth that it made me feel like the person didn’t respect me enough to believe that I would tell the truth.

The trap sprang shut as I suddenly realized why she had picked this particular line of question. “That is kinda how I felt daddy when I told you it felt like summer out there and you didn’t believe me. That is why I got so upset”

My world cracked a little bit as the fight replayed in my head. Then a bit more as I realized how my seven year old had set up this logical trap to lead me to the right answer the same way we used to do for her.

All of my buddies with daughters unloaded their experiences about the terrible twos, potty training and frilly clothing. Then they jumped into “but just wait until she is a teenager”. I don’t know why it never occurred to me that there are a great number of stages in the middle as well.

I guess in these, my daughter is capable of rationally explaining her position even when she has hurt feelings, her tears aren’t always just because she didn’t get her way and she understands a great deal more than I gave her credit for.

Yet another speed bump on my road to becoming a good dad.