Man - the beginning of the three-hat-dilemma – or, ‘why did I start this blog?

When I was growing up, I had a lot of time alone. That gave me plenty of opportunities to develop my own ideas and opinions. I had a very strong sense of self and knew exactly who I was. Every decision had only one level of approval: What do I think the right decision is?

At 19 years old, I married my new best friend after only knowing her under 3 years. That brought about quite a change because after that, I wasn’t able to choose a stance quickly. I had to consider my wife’s feelings and opinions as well before deciding where “we” would stand. At this point, every decision now had three levels: What’s best for us, for my wife and then me.

At 26, we had our daughter. This step added the most levels to my decision making process. Every decision my wife and I make first runs through the ‘how will this affect our child’ checklist (as it should).Every decision after this point had the following approval levels: What’s best for my child, my family, my marriage, my wife and then, if possible, me.

Now I am 33 and have realized something new about those levels. Though my wife would tell you that her level is more important than mine :-), I am finally understanding that they interact with each other and can not always be kept in this order. If I am a terrible husband, it will make it hard for me to be a good father (while staying with my wife) for example. It is because of that that I realize that my role as a man, a dad and a husband must be balanced.

This is a fairly new revelation to me so now I all have to do is figure out where to go from here . . .