Man - on being a strong man

Have you ever heard the song ‘the impression that I get’ by the Mighty Mighty Bosstones?


Some of the lyrics are:
Never had to
Knock on wood
But I know someone who has
It makes me wonder if I could
...
I’m not a coward I’ve just never been tested.
I like to think that if I was I would pass.
Look at the tested and think ‘there but for the grace go I’
Might be a coward
I’m afraid of what I might find out

During all my medical problems (more on that some other day) I kept having the same dream all the time. In advance, I know how silly this dream is. Look for the meaning.

There is a light in the distance and I call my family out to see it. It gets bigger and starts shifting. The entire time we stare, I keep remarking how beautiful it is. A small amount of time passes and I begin to get filled with worry but still don’t move. By the time I realize that the lights are all spaceships coming to wipe us out, it is too late to do anything for my family.

It is odd the things that worry guys. I know that my dream was about my leading my family into disaster which was what I equated my medical stuff to but big-picture wise, it is about the fear a lot of family guys have – Will I be able to protect my family if the need arises?

We go through a lot of effort to keep from looking foolish and even more to keep from looking weak but the truth is strength just does not equal success.

More lyrics:
Have you ever felt a pain so powerful
So heavy you collapse?

I can actually answer yes to that. I used to feel so ashamed that I let the pain beat me down so far but now I wear my survival like a badge of honor.

My medical problems and the associated changes on my life pushed me to the edge of breaking (and a bit beyond if I’m honest) but I am slowly beginning to understand that just for making it through that situation, I can consider myself strong. The fact that I made it through with out loosing my marriage, house or job means that I beat the pain.

I wonder how many more things in my life that get me down just require a different way of looking at things . . .